What is holding me back?

Funny thing happens when you are waiting in line to pay for your groceries - you get to catch up on the all "magazine headings" - who broke up or you got married/engaged or a headline from a global event (i.e. the miners in Chile finally being brought up to the surface after 69 days!).

Well, the magazine I picked up wasn't that glamorous or anything - Nov's issue of Oprah's magazine had an article called "What's Your True Calling?" That would be an interesting read - I thought. Must admit didn't get much from that article - it were stories of how others found their true calling. What caught me by surprise was my result from the article "What's Holding you back?". It was 8 questions (a to e). Depending on the common letters you picked for your odd and even numbers gave you 1 of 4 categories. Fear of Failure; Fear of Success; Fear of Disappoint and Fear of Losing Control. Before I knew my category(s) - I knew one of mine should be Fear of Failure - which it was. My other category was Fear of Success - wasn't really expecting that answer to appear.

Fear of Failure: You are terrified of stepping outside your comfort zone (yes that is me). The advice they give to have "you move forward" - "The important thing you can do yourself is work on building self-efficacy - the belief that you can actually accomplish what you want to do. Start by setting and achieving small goals. As you succeed at these smaller challenges, bigger goals will semms less daunting, and eventually you will develop the confidence to take the leap you've been dreaming about". As I mentioned in my last blog entry - one of those work related dreams - to work with data quality, working with the codes I assign to charts. Accepting the position of Coding Coordinator, could be like my "leap" towards that goal of working in Data Quality. A shout out to my counsellor though - she has been helping me find that "self" again - my self esteem and self-confidence - my self-strength. Thank you Deanna.

Fear of Success: You're fairly confident in your abilities, but you balk at the pressure of maintaining success once you have it. You know that your achievements will breed higher expectations, and you worry that you won't be able to meet them. People who fear success often credit their achievements to circumstances rather than to their talent and other assets. The advice they give to have "you move forward" - "The key for these people is to accept responsibilities for their accomplishments. Think of a recent success - now make a list of the skills and qualities you drew on to win it - determination, intelligence, creativity (ask a friend as they see your assets more clearly than you can). Once you begin to see your strengths in action, every day, you will recognize that you are, in fact, well-equipped to tackle whatever challenges lie ahead." I didn't think this would be one of my fears but after reading I would agree especially when my low self-essteem and low self-confidence surfaces - I begin to doubt my skills and if I complete a set-goal what are the expectations of me when future projects are asked of me.

I think for me with beginning to have faith in my own capabilities/talents and with the assistance of my counsellor to help me recognize my fears - we will place the safeguards I need so I can face the challenges I must in my path. At the same time, still move forward and accept what I have learned from my challenge or fear.

By applying the self-awareness tool I learned in counselling - I look forward what 2011 will bring in my growth as a person; as well as in my healing of hurts and emotional wounds. What I know right now in this moment - I am blessed by those around me - their love, support and encouragement and by watching their example - I gain strength from that. Thank you.

Burning both ends of the candle...

You soon realize moving from a smaller city to a bigger city - not only does the # of people go up, but so is the cost of your expenses. As my lifestyle allowed for it, I decided to take a second job in my field in the adjoining cancer centre. I enjoyed the people I worked with and seeing a different avenue being a HIM (health information management) Professional. And I just got used to putting in an extra 15-20 hours per week on top of my 77.5 hrs from my coding position. It didn't seem like an additional stress on top of coding.

April 2010 - I took upon the challenge of taking a Coding Coordinator position. As we have merged all health regions into one - I had to resign my position at the cancer centre as I am already full time. This is a position that I had applied twice before - and I am fast realizing that the position I applied for in Spring 2008 and Fall 2009 are not what is being expected of us now - the responsibilities are being changed. Changed becaused in 2008-2009 we didn't have to deal with topics like a 21-day Coding Turnaround Time (TAT); Increased focus on Data Quality of submitted coded data; VLAD (Variable -Living Adjusting Device) reviews; Cross-training staff in both the urban and rural settings; being asked to be a representative for the Calgary Zone in Provincial working groups and that is on top of any daily "office issues" that needs to be dealt with.

The past few months, feeling stressed is an accurate word to use in my vocabulary - stress of adjusting to a new role and all the bumps I have encountered. Feeling the stress coming from the very top of different initatives that are occurring at a provincial level that relate to Data Collection. Sept/Oct found me training outside of Calgary (High River and Strathmore) to other HIMs in the Inpatient coding discipline - which takes much out of you - but I do enjoy it as I learn just as much as they do and it does ensure you are up to date in your coding knowledge as well. The other learning portion is on seeing the differences (and similarities) when comparing rural vs. urban coding. This will be beneficial for me as I am a HIM representative for the Calgary Zone in a Provinical working group on Data Collection - therefore I need to know about both rural and urban coding.

Unfortunately, in the recent month, the focus has been on a 21-day Coding turnaround time to ensure timely data to be used by various stakeholders - this has translated into long hours - there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to do everything on your "To Do List" each day. This lead me to burning both ends of the candle which means I usually get a nasty head/chest cold - which I currently have. Here I have ONE job that has equalled in times the hours I used to put in when I had TWO jobs! Interesting eh?

What I know - I do enjoy the different challenges and opportunities this current position as Coding Coordinator has given me. I find I am becoming a more confident person and realizing that my thought when I graduated from college of where I ultimately would like to work in my field (Data Quality - working with the coded data) is becoming more of a reality. That is pretty cool to see that come to light - 18 years later.

I know it is only November - but something I will need to work on in 2011 - finding an "off" button and find that balance again so I do not burn both ends of the candlestick.