Do you have a Happy File?

For those who have been following my blog these past few months, you have read the struggles I have been facing at work as I am adjusting to my new position as Coding Coordinator. It definitely has been a growing experience. My biggest issue was dealing with my reactions with different managerial styles and feeling in the beginning alone as I didn't want to start off a new position as a complainer and "the weakest link" especially knowing I was going to have a learning curve as I had zero managerial-related skill practice - so it was pure instinct when dealing with a task.

I think one of my "saving graces" - I was going through counselling at this time (still am too). My counsellor was able to help me work through my "self issues" coming to the surface as I was coping with different managerial styles. I think at the height of it all I was questioning my self worth and what could I contribute to this position - basically feeling - I couldn't do anything right so why the heck did they hire me? The other one is finding a few people who "have my back" so I have this net that I feel safe to go to, to ask for advice.

A suggestion was given to me - make a "Happy File" folder that I could put emails with encouragement in - so when those doubts arise I will be able to go those emails and realize - "Yes Laura you do have the qualification and just being yourself - you are contributing in your position". Do you know that it works?

This past week - has been a good week for me too - as our team prepares for a presentation to a group of doctors - we created a powerpoint as well as a "cheat note" of clinical documentation tips. The response from the head of the group - awesome on both things and looking forward to our presentation to the group. That felt so good - told Chris next time we see each other we should give each other a pat on the back for a job well-done. Was told my part of our regional staff meeting - I spoke strong and explained the coding issue well (yeah improvement!!).

Counselling this week we had a first - laughter. I ended my work day with receiving an email from a coding specialist - who told me this was to go into my "Happy File" - after reading I swear I wanted to cry. So touching. At the same time - a sense of freedom began to come over me - like the light switch being turned on. Why is it so hard for ourself's to see the good in us - when it seems plain and clear for those around us? My words to myself - Laura will you get your head out of the sand and realize you are qualified and you ARE doing well - contributing to the team. Now move forward and remember that self-confidence you just found. We had a realization in sharing in counselling - I have not lost a "core" of who I am, which is my sense of humour/laughter throughout all my traumas and challenges. Yes, the laughter hide my pain and hurt but it helped me move forward and function in life too. I know if I "lost" my laughter I would be in huge trouble and I would need to seek help for sure as I would be in a dark place.

I hope everyone can find their "Happy File" or have a "Happy Cap" (for verbal positive comments).