What is holding me back?

Funny thing happens when you are waiting in line to pay for your groceries - you get to catch up on the all "magazine headings" - who broke up or you got married/engaged or a headline from a global event (i.e. the miners in Chile finally being brought up to the surface after 69 days!).

Well, the magazine I picked up wasn't that glamorous or anything - Nov's issue of Oprah's magazine had an article called "What's Your True Calling?" That would be an interesting read - I thought. Must admit didn't get much from that article - it were stories of how others found their true calling. What caught me by surprise was my result from the article "What's Holding you back?". It was 8 questions (a to e). Depending on the common letters you picked for your odd and even numbers gave you 1 of 4 categories. Fear of Failure; Fear of Success; Fear of Disappoint and Fear of Losing Control. Before I knew my category(s) - I knew one of mine should be Fear of Failure - which it was. My other category was Fear of Success - wasn't really expecting that answer to appear.

Fear of Failure: You are terrified of stepping outside your comfort zone (yes that is me). The advice they give to have "you move forward" - "The important thing you can do yourself is work on building self-efficacy - the belief that you can actually accomplish what you want to do. Start by setting and achieving small goals. As you succeed at these smaller challenges, bigger goals will semms less daunting, and eventually you will develop the confidence to take the leap you've been dreaming about". As I mentioned in my last blog entry - one of those work related dreams - to work with data quality, working with the codes I assign to charts. Accepting the position of Coding Coordinator, could be like my "leap" towards that goal of working in Data Quality. A shout out to my counsellor though - she has been helping me find that "self" again - my self esteem and self-confidence - my self-strength. Thank you Deanna.

Fear of Success: You're fairly confident in your abilities, but you balk at the pressure of maintaining success once you have it. You know that your achievements will breed higher expectations, and you worry that you won't be able to meet them. People who fear success often credit their achievements to circumstances rather than to their talent and other assets. The advice they give to have "you move forward" - "The key for these people is to accept responsibilities for their accomplishments. Think of a recent success - now make a list of the skills and qualities you drew on to win it - determination, intelligence, creativity (ask a friend as they see your assets more clearly than you can). Once you begin to see your strengths in action, every day, you will recognize that you are, in fact, well-equipped to tackle whatever challenges lie ahead." I didn't think this would be one of my fears but after reading I would agree especially when my low self-essteem and low self-confidence surfaces - I begin to doubt my skills and if I complete a set-goal what are the expectations of me when future projects are asked of me.

I think for me with beginning to have faith in my own capabilities/talents and with the assistance of my counsellor to help me recognize my fears - we will place the safeguards I need so I can face the challenges I must in my path. At the same time, still move forward and accept what I have learned from my challenge or fear.

By applying the self-awareness tool I learned in counselling - I look forward what 2011 will bring in my growth as a person; as well as in my healing of hurts and emotional wounds. What I know right now in this moment - I am blessed by those around me - their love, support and encouragement and by watching their example - I gain strength from that. Thank you.