2010 - the beginning of Self Discovery?

You know that saying "the truth hurts" - it is very true. I guess the outcome is determined by what you do with that truth. This truth mixed with other personal issues that rose to the surface, I took the advice of a couple of close friends and decided to seek professional advice in the way of a counsellor. My friend recommended a name and I have found her "safe" in where I can be myself. In the 3 sessions I have had, it interesting what I have learned - one of the things is with every trauma that one deals with there is a cognitive (mental) way to deal with it and going through the pain to deal with the emotional attachments. Well, it seems I have done well cognitively but have partially "buried" the emotional attachments so those wounds are not really healed - it is a scar. The terms "I am emotional bruised" or "I am traumatized" were used early in our sessions. Stepping back, I can see where the counsellor was coming from - my first homework assignment was using that "brain-storming" technique. When I began associating my age, the year of traumas occurring (was only looking at 16-27 of age) - seeing on paper it makes you react - wow there was alot. My counsellor feels confident I will see a light at the end of my tunnell, but of course it will take time and she is willing to see it through with me; for that I am encouraged.

For those who know my family years ago - February 3rd is a date that forever changed my family. As weird as this might sound - there is like a dividing line when describing my life - how it was then and how is now. One is my individual relationships with my family - Life with Kathryn and Life without Kathryn. Some relationships be it family or friends changed after my sister's passing - some grew out of necessity making a decision to move forward -making a fresh start, a clean slate or some grew deeper because of foundation of friendship already there (a great source of strength for me) or found with some, we drifted apart as we had no common threads to bind us and we are no longer a part of each others lives.

Year 2010 - is this my year, the year I begin my self discovery of the inner me and learn how to deal with my emotions and allow for true healing to begin on past traumas/challenges? Tonight, I look at my bookshelf where my journal books are - I pulled out my first one - writing from the first 4-6 months after Kathryn passed away. I decided as I am now in counselling, maybe it would be fitting to read my thoughts and feelings on that day. Tears have fallen as I re-read some of the entries but I also saw words of comfort as I had written words of scripture - one of those sources was a desk calendar I had given to my friend - on the Feb 4th date - it read:

"God can mend a broken heart, but we have to give him all the pieces" "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18

How fitting reading that again - the road that lies ahead will bring me heartache, emotions (and in need of plenty of kleenex too) - but if I remember to put all of my hurts and troubles in His hands - He will remain with me to the end and onward - it is a journey I must take "alone" but to try to remember that while I am in "darkness" - I actually will not be facing them alone.

So to answer my question - is this the year I begin my self discovery of the inner me - my answer would be I think so - yes. I can not tell you who I will be at the end of this - I would hope a more honest person to myself and a stronger person in dealing with life situations better and love the person I will become after going through this process. Time can only tell me that.