Finding my voice and release

If I had to define my June - it was a month of hard lessons learned; finding within my peers who I could confide and vent frustrations too as well as finding my voice.

In April I accepted the temporary position as Coding coordinator. I knew accepting this position there would be a learning curve, plus I had some behind-the-scene knowledge (inter-departmental personality conflicts) that could be an issue for me and I would need to develop the necessary problem solving skills to resolve them. I knew there will be times I would stumble - and from what I have been told - you dust off, learn from your mistake that caused you to stumble and move forward remembering what you just learned adapting into your performance.

It seems the "issues" I would be adapting to is a micromanaging style where it seems I could do nothing correct or not meeting to their standards. Feeling like you are under a microscope and documents you worked hard on gets dissected to the max - it does a number on your self-confidence and you begin to question "why did you hire me in the first place?". I remember in school hearing of a Micromanaging style - so I googled it. Yes - that is what I am facing. One of the solution actions - quit or change jobs. Well I am not doing either of those.

I am now officially completed my training as a coding coordinator - last week of June I began working at PLC and RGH sites throughout the week. My first day as CC - I had to give a presentation to the new Residents about Data Collection (coding & abstracting). I had a rough beginning but I think ended strong (the presentation is only 5-10 mins). Upon review of my performance - I acknowledged areas where I need to improve the next time there is a presentation representing Data Collection. Then the dissection began - inadequate info given in the presentation, need to improve speaking in big crowds and strongly recommend taking a Toastmaster course (okay in a period of 2 months they have "strongly recommend" me take 5 courses to improve my "managerial skills"). I guess you can say I slipped - my resume did not reflect I had previous management/authority experience to resort to but had some experience in leadership (coding trainer for almost 4 yrs). Of course, I would not have "managerial skills" after accepting the position and my "formal training" did not occur until 2 months after I accepted the position. Those 2 months I was going on instinct and did my best under the circumstances.

Well somewhere I found the confidence to give my frustration a voice last week. I explained that the other coding coordinator went over the slides that have been used for the past few years at these presentation (so was blamed for slide information that I had no part of putting together) and finally told this person she puts me in knots and to stop picking on me. Unfortunately she does not think her actions would reflect the statement "picking on me".

So my learning curve will come from reacting and adapting to different managerial styles while maintaining a working environment that promotes positivity as well as learning and strengthening ones skills-set. This position is to end Sept 2011 - I foresee I will become a stronger person - to find that backbone and voice my feelings when warranted. To be proud of what I am contributing to my coding team.

I don't know if I have done myself any favours by my expression last week - but must admit it felt good to tell her how she makes me feel. A friend of mine suggested to read the book (which I bought this weekend) - People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better. It will be interesting to see what the book says. Another suggestion was to great a "Feel Good Email" folder - put emails that acknowledge your positive skills - so when you feel low - read one of those emails it should bring a smile to your face or de-stress you that other see what you are accomplishing.

Thank you for your prayers and comments - it has helped me these past few weeks.